Monday, October 18, 2004
There lies the golden tassles...
I often fantasize that i'm a stripper...
but only in my bathroom.
I wish i could make a ball of ice with blue fire inside. It'd look cool.
I got new stuff:
Neil Gaiman's Sandman comics
Preludes and Nocturnes- Vol. 1
The Doll House- Vol. 2
It better be as good as the first one....
Need to make sure i'm going to college. While i'm at college...
I need cock. But i can't have it yet.... cause i got a new man and i dun wanna scare him off with my insatiable desires.... yep.
Posted at 06:08 pm by Mellissa
Sunday, July 25, 2004
Quit eating the toothpaste!
Sometimes, life is fun... other times... life is boring as all hell.
I feel that the sock gnomes are doing a good thing, stealing socks from the dryer. Keep up the good work, cause socks are definately evil. EVIL!!
I have no nails. *sigh*
I know i wanna write another story like the one before... but it'll be awhile...
my boyfriend and i broke up. Ah well. I wear my Ex-boyfriend shirt right now. heh.
Posted at 08:56 pm by Mellissa
Saturday, May 15, 2004
but then again... when are they?
something random in my head...
my mind is awhirl
with feelings, pain
in my soul so much
must do something...
i wish i could just hide away, from everyone and everything... i mean, i don't think it'd be too bad... but it's just my observation that when you stay away from people for awhile, on good terms, that they seem to treasure and miss you and value you more when you're gone.
it's like, to save something, you must take on pain to make sure what you're fighting to keep good and right is saved and secure. Is something truly worth that much heartache? my answer?
Posted at 04:11 pm by Mellissa
Monday, May 03, 2004
feet smell like corn chips
Tired of making decisions.
Tired of being a bitch-horse.
Tired of listening to everyone at the same time.
Tired of life sometimes.
Tired of placating everyone's ego's.
Tired of just being myself.
Tired of being alone.
Tired of being a fuck-toy.
Tired of everyone, including myself.
I wish i could sleep and wake up in a time where there are no hidden agendas, nothing is expected of me, and that someday... someone will want me completely and wholely. Wake me when it happens.
Posted at 07:52 pm by Mellissa
Saturday, April 24, 2004
so basically i have really nothing random to say. Sad, really.
Otacon is in july. I'm looking foward to going. I'm dressing up, hopefully.
Here's my characters:
Naru- Love hina
Seras Victoria- Hellsing
Sango- Inu Yasha ?
Misuho Kasami- Onegai Teacher ?
Thihana's cosplay character ?
and i plan on getting some white long-sleave shirts and plad skirts for the occasion.
? means not sure.
bonuce around and pat your tummy for good luck.
Posted at 09:50 pm by Mellissa
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
look out for the penguins
Someone brought up the budweiser... or was it bud light...
anyways... someone brought up the commercials they used, or still have, about the penguins. I hate those penguins. They scared the hell out of me. Especially when they sung..."doobie doobie do.."
it's freaky and must be stopped!
also, does anyone remember the old man in the car commercials for a certain hind of car? It's like for one of them he was in a field... and he always had a little dog with him? Gods! that freaked me out too. it's, oh i don't know.... WEIRD! And i know weird. I work hard at my weirdness.
So yeah, my head kinda hurts. Hm.. And i'm just a bit tired. but that's okay.
I'm going to bed now. If the penguins come for me, i'll introduce them to my tai chi sword. Thank you Erin-kun. hehehehehehehehehehehe....
^________________^ smile, someone should have groped you today.
Posted at 11:58 pm by Mellissa
Friday, April 02, 2004
It's 1:24, where's your socks?
My head aches.
So does my back. And my heart. But that's besides the point.
My arm is bruised where the IV was inside my left arm. That was just freaky.
I need sleep. Badly. No joke. I'm not fucking kidding, so stop fucking laughing, bitch?!
Wow, that was my Yan moment. And if you don't know who Yan Valentine is, then you're sad and must watch and/ or read Hellsing. Go now.
So I really miss Henri and Erin... Geeze... I dunno if I can face Erin and not feel anything for him, romantically. I have a feeling I'll never not feel like that. I mean, what do you do when you give everything to someone, and then they cast you aside? There's no pretty way to put it, I. was. dumped. Wasn't the first time, and it surely won't be the last. I'm not psychic for nothing. Last part was a joke, kids.
Fuck. It's almost 1:30. I need to get off this stupid computer now. I need to stop being so stupid and childish when it comes to my relationships. Just put on a smile and do your act. It never failed you before, why should you stop now. If no one knows you're in pain, then everything's okay, right, Mellissa? It's how you survived in high school and now in the world.
Gods, my dreams. My dreams make me ache. It was better when I didn't know love and was ignorant. Maybe I should do it again, be ignorant of love and all it's forms. Mainly the romance forms. I'm scared Danielle will be waiting for me in my dreams again. She was in my dreams this morning, killing all my friends in school while I ran from her... she was following me slowly, just smiling with her ruby red hair still pixy short and her little body still the same small height... her clothes stained with the blood of my friends... and pencils, gods the pencils in her hands... blood all over them... and i ran to a teacher, how fucking stupid is that? Then she was following me in the woods... during a army boot camp training thing... dunno why... then i'm waiting for her on the side of a curve, and a bus pulls up and she's there with a knife... and then we're in beds, facing each other... talking, and somehow that scares me even more...
And the phone rings and i wake up, half asleep to answer and talk then hang up to sleep. When my eyes close, i hear in my head her voice. "Mellissa? Are you there?" And I feel myself answer.. "Yes, Danielle, I'm here." and i'm afraid. She wants to be my friend again, just like long ago when she tried calling me and talking to me online, and i shunned her away. To be her friend is to be her punching bag of mental abuse. To be used and twisted and manupulated. To be hurt over and over again. She sucks you in with her sad vunerability and you want so much to help her. and you excuse the pain she inficts on you because she was abused when she was younger, raped, and she's manic depressive... she doesn't mean to. But you can only excuse so much when you hurt all the time and you want to die for her. because of her. to get away from her.
So i go to dream. And i'm hoping that she won't be there. Maybe Orin will be there. Maybe he'll save me from her. I can always dream.
Posted at 01:40 am by Mellissa
Sunday, March 21, 2004
Behold the power of cheese.
I have only one thing to say.
It starts with a freaking "U"!
*ahem* thank you. You can go about your lives now.
Posted at 01:28 pm by Mellissa
Tuesday, March 02, 2004
Anyone remember that song? it was soooo annoying. Don't deny it, it really was.
You know, the active ingredients in Degree Deodorant are Cyclopentasiloxane, PPG-14 butyl ether, stearyl alcohol, hydrogenerated castor oil, talc, fragarance ( parfum), zea mays (corn) starch (Zea Mays), vegetable oil (Olus), glyceryl oleate, propylene glycol, BHT, TBHQ, and citric acid
i dun feel like telling you all the rest. Besides, the tag of my nightgown is making me itch.
I used to be a fan of the New Kids on the Block. Don't lie, so were you. They were cool back in the day. Now.... does anyone remember why they broke up or why everyone started hating them so badly? Cause I remember ripping up all my posters violently and trashing all my tapes of them, as well as destroying all NKOTB clothing i owned. And i'm not violent. *twitch twitch*
I really dun know why i did that. Someone tell me.
Posted at 11:50 pm by Mellissa
Sunday, January 25, 2004
Sometimes life seems to be horrible, lonely and always out to get you. It's like one bay day over and over again. You feel like dying would be easier than waking up to a realization that you have nothing to live for, that the people around you don't even like you, and that it'll never change- your life.
People be honest when you need lies, for once. Telling you you're a selfish, spoiled, insignificant little brat who's fat and has no idea how to act around people. It's a real kick in the self-esteem.
You stare at yourself in the mirror, seeing all your imperfections and all those random voices in your head, reminding you once more about how much of a stupid, sad and confused little girl. And in your eyes, you do see that. You see a little girl, playing dress-up around all the beautiful, grown women that surround you. And it makes you want to hide in a hole for the rest of your days. I mean, how could someone love something so flawed? And flawed i know i am...
But then... someone from the past. An old friend. They come along, and you find yourself wanting to ask them, over and over, how can you love me when i'm so messed up? I cuddle a pillow at night. I sleep sometimes with my socks on. I snort when i laugh. I drink flat soda more often that so. I like to lie around in my pj's most of the day. I sometimes drink from the carton. Could you love someone like me? I know what my faults are, at least... some of them. I'm brash, childish, silly, selfish at times. I can be jealous, but not loud about it. I can be very loud when i talk, and i'm crude at times.
But i know i am loyal, patient, devoted, amongst other things i can't think of right now. I love you for who you are, to me as well as to others. I find the idea of loving someone scary, but given the time, i think i can learn.
Posted at 10:29 pm by Mellissa